Romans 8:26

 

 

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.  Romans 8:26-28  (MSG)

 

 

This week as I verse mapped, I gravitated more to The Message translation then to the NIV version.  To me, it spoke more to my heart and what I have been feeling lately.

I have always preferred silent prayer over praying out loud.  The reason?  Because I am not confident in myself when praying out loud.  I am afraid I will get tongue-tied or say something silly that does not make sense.  I guess you could call it a phobia of mine.  At church, when in a bible study and they ask for someone to pray the closing prayer, I am the one sweating, looking at the floor, hoping that they will not ask me to do it.  Most of the time someone will volunteer and I breathe that sigh of relief and thank the lucky stars that it wasn't me;)

Writing my prayer or prayers for others is easy peasy!!  I can do that all day and night.  When I first began OBS, I felt compelled to post a prayer on our facebook small group and was amazed at how easy the words came to me.  After I posted the prayer, I have to admit that when I reread what I had written, I felt like it came from someone other than me.  Humbly, I patted myself on the back and told myself that this "praying out loud" phobia was all in my head.  Well guess what?  I was right.  It was all in my head.  It was that darn devil raising it's ugly head, making me feel inadequate.  Exactly what he wanted me to feel!!  God knows what is in my heart.  I don't need to find the right words to speak it aloud.  It is there on my heart for him to take it as he sees fit and use it to his greater good.   I am moved by the fact that if we don't know how to pray or what to pray, it is okay because God will pray for us.  Yet another burden that he takes away from us by just believing in him. 

The action item that I am focusing on in the next few weeks is to "Adjust my Focus."  If I have pulled one thing away from this bible study, it is that I, like many other women, try to handle everything on my own.  Tracie writes on page 214 "When we focus on our circumstances instead of trusting God to work in our lives, we can become overwhelmed with worry and fear.  We must allow God to fill our hearts with his peace.  Remember that the Lord never grows weary, and he knows how to handle our problems much better than we do."  By readjusting my focus when signs of stress, worry, anxiety or fear strike me, I will take a deep breath and pull out my largest weapon....PRAYER.  And if I am called upon to pray out loud, I guess I better put that moment in God's hands and "pray" for the best ;)



Broken to Breakthrough

Well.  One thing is for certain...I am not perfect, nor will I ever be perfect.  It only took me 48 years, 164 days and 2 hours to figure it out.

I don't think that I have ever read a book that has moved me as much as Stressed-Less Living by Tracie Miles.  Just when I think that I have read the best chapter of the book; she surprises me with yet another riveting chapter that I know was written just for me. This week's chapter was by far the best chapter.  How do I know this?  Because it moved me to tears.  It started with a simple sentence on page 199 that read "Until we recognize that we are utterly helpless on our own, we will not be able to understand that we really have no control over life."  BAM!!  There it is!  Smacking me hard in the face!!

For years now I have struggled with my finances.  I have made some really bad choices, been left with some pretty hefty bills from a previous marriage (that has only fallen on my shoulders while he walks away not paying a dime) and I am what some nerds would call "a free spirit" when it comes to money (not being mean, you can thank Dave Ramsey for these terms of endearment).  I try to manage my money but I am no good at it. I have been thru Financial Peace and should know this by now.   I can't seem to get my head around forecasting, because I invariably leave something important out.  I hate it.  I don't want to deal with it.  I want money and bills and taxes to all take care of themselves.  I stress about it.  I wake up in the middle of the night worried about it.  I can't go to sleep at night because I am worried about it.  I am just sick and tired of worrying about it.  I, like the woman in the story, was allowing my circumstances to cause me to lose all hope of getting out of the pit that I had found myself in.  The pit that I created for myself by not dealing with my circumstances.

As I read on in the chapter and got to Tracie's prayer, I felt my heart breaking and the tears coming.  I found myself at that moment reciting her prayer for my life and my situation.  Do you still love me God?  Will you forgive me for my disobedience?  What would you have me do?  Such strong words, but so powerfully laid on my heart.

 

 

  Tracie writes "I have come to understand that God cannot use people greatly until he has broke them deeply.  And when we embrace our brokenness, we are ready for breakthrough."  It is time for my breakthrough. I have been broken for far too long now, pretending that I am perfect. God knew all along that I wasn't and he still loves me anyway.  BAM!!