Broken to Breakthrough

Well.  One thing is for certain...I am not perfect, nor will I ever be perfect.  It only took me 48 years, 164 days and 2 hours to figure it out.

I don't think that I have ever read a book that has moved me as much as Stressed-Less Living by Tracie Miles.  Just when I think that I have read the best chapter of the book; she surprises me with yet another riveting chapter that I know was written just for me. This week's chapter was by far the best chapter.  How do I know this?  Because it moved me to tears.  It started with a simple sentence on page 199 that read "Until we recognize that we are utterly helpless on our own, we will not be able to understand that we really have no control over life."  BAM!!  There it is!  Smacking me hard in the face!!

For years now I have struggled with my finances.  I have made some really bad choices, been left with some pretty hefty bills from a previous marriage (that has only fallen on my shoulders while he walks away not paying a dime) and I am what some nerds would call "a free spirit" when it comes to money (not being mean, you can thank Dave Ramsey for these terms of endearment).  I try to manage my money but I am no good at it. I have been thru Financial Peace and should know this by now.   I can't seem to get my head around forecasting, because I invariably leave something important out.  I hate it.  I don't want to deal with it.  I want money and bills and taxes to all take care of themselves.  I stress about it.  I wake up in the middle of the night worried about it.  I can't go to sleep at night because I am worried about it.  I am just sick and tired of worrying about it.  I, like the woman in the story, was allowing my circumstances to cause me to lose all hope of getting out of the pit that I had found myself in.  The pit that I created for myself by not dealing with my circumstances.

As I read on in the chapter and got to Tracie's prayer, I felt my heart breaking and the tears coming.  I found myself at that moment reciting her prayer for my life and my situation.  Do you still love me God?  Will you forgive me for my disobedience?  What would you have me do?  Such strong words, but so powerfully laid on my heart.

 

 

  Tracie writes "I have come to understand that God cannot use people greatly until he has broke them deeply.  And when we embrace our brokenness, we are ready for breakthrough."  It is time for my breakthrough. I have been broken for far too long now, pretending that I am perfect. God knew all along that I wasn't and he still loves me anyway.  BAM!!